Friday, November 30, 2018

Astrid Anneke Blaire Long

Well, today we buried Astrid.

Back in July, when Laurie was about 20 weeks pregnant, they noticed something wrong on the ultrasound.  In August, it was found:  Astrid's bones were growing at all the wrong rates.  The critical one was the rib cage, which was too small for proper lung development.  She was not expected to live (maybe even to birth).  The five hours she did give us were a gift.

Jack commented:  "These humans are remarkably resilient and remarkably fragile."

Laurie and Chris treated her like a human being, naming her, making plans if she did live for a few weeks or months.  And dealing with stark reality every single day.

The boys (ages 9, 5 1/2, 5 1/2, and 4) were probably not sure what was going on.  The day of the birth, Lachlann was pretty excited about having a baby sister.  Lindsey did not want to talk about it.  When Astrid was an hour old, we did a video call through Facebook messenger, so the boys got to see fuzzy videos of her.  And hear her cry.

At home, they made things to put in the casket.  Lachlann made her paper money.  Lindsey wrote her a note.  Some feathery looking pieces of construction paper appeared.  They all got to see her in the casket with all those things. I had made her a blanket with 6 butterflies that 3 boys helped me iron on.

Somebody had sent flowers to the funeral home, (the card was unsigned, but the writing was perfect, so Laurie guessed it was from the hospital) and Laurie divided them up between the boys.

The graveside service went well.  Jack did his tiger growl for her.  I repeated the second paragraph above.  Then Lachlann (age 5 1/2) got up to speak (which may have panicked an adult or two), and said that Deki hit him.  We asked him to talk about Astrid, so he said that he was sad she died. Olif  (the other 5 1/2 year old) said that he gave her a picture.  Lindsey said he missed Astrid, that she was cute, he was sad she was gone, and that Lachlann made her $2000.  (You are more vocal when you are 9.)  Laurie's nurse in the hospital was there, and said it was a privilege to take care of the two of them, that they are a wonderful family.

Then Chris and his brother Billy put the casket in the hole....which was too small.  The measurements sent to the gravediggers apparently did not include the flange on the casket.  The attendant apologized profusely and called the gravediggers. As they were enlarging the hole, 4 small boys (and Jack) were absolutely fascinated, so it turned out OK.  (Well, Deki did lose interest after a bit.)  Plus one was wearing cool, blue, magic sunglasses like Pete the Cat, which is Olif's favorite story.

Then the boys were given their flowers (you think they were going to hold on to them gently all this time??) and they put them in the grave with the casket.  They picked out one each, which they put on Mika's grave (their sister who died 7 years ago), and 2 more flowers for Caitlin, Laurie's best friend who died in 2003 and is in the next grave over.

Well, onward and upward, as my mom used to say.




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